A Home Is Your Ark

First, the title comes from some mid 2010’s Portland music to guide your reading

I’m writing this from a house I grew up in. When I was about three years old, my parents bought this house for 65,000 dollars. Sometimes I feel adamant to add that I don’t have to live here- I make enough to live on my own. But my mom’s in Canada taking care of my grandma and she needs someone to maintain this house that needs care. What does this have to do with my goals? Am I avoiding the prompt? When I tried to put this goal down, I got so lost I feel like I needed to back track a bit to land my idea.

It’s raining hard outside that adds to the hygge feeling in here. Sometimes when I’m biking around the neighborhood, I feel like time warps around me. Mt. Scott swimming pool brings up memories of childhood swim lessons, but also my first job and the game of bocce ball I played there last summer. I’ve known my neighbors since I was three. This all sounds warm and kind, but there’s sharp edges and hurt here too. I up close witnessed two marriages fall apart in painful ways in this house. It’s old. The basement leaks. 

My mom plans to sell the house this spring. That’s not earth shattering news- I can afford to live else where- but it has opened up the question of what’s next. 

I want a place to live. I want it to be resilient. I want it connected to the land and other people. I don’t want to be isolated- fenced off from the world. I don’t want a jar to fill with stuff. How do I measure this goal? How many chickens and bee hives are the right amount? It looks like this: My kids- if I have them- have someone to play night games and build snow forts with. I can host my family spread across the world. I can host strangers. I can walk next door for dinner or some tomatoes. When things shake- metaphorically or from the cascadia subduction zone- my place doesn’t fall down.

Let me be more specific, in the next three years, I want a place to live that is long term (10-20 years). I’m skeptical of the single family occupancy model, but can imagine ways that model could work differently for me. I’m also have doubts about cohousing or other alternative systems, so I don’t know if what I’m looking for already exists. This uncertainty is the first of several obstacles. Do I have enough time? Money? Emotional energy? I desperately need space away from people to refresh myself. I’m afraid a house will be a black hole of time that swallows my art, activism, or travel.

To navigate these obstacles I need to learn about finance and go deeper on what housing models already exist. I need a lending partner. I need to figure how to move forward with the woman I’ve been living life with the last 3 years. I know people involved in alternative housing development. I have family who want to invest in Portland and need a place to stay when they’re in town.

A plan looks hazy, even after spending a few hours working on this. I feel bad that I’m somewhat lost on this. I’m just going to dump some raw ideas into this space and let the group ferment them. 

• Step 1:  figure out if, when, and how I’m getting married (next 3 months)

• Step 1.2: synchronizing my housing dreams and goals with my partner (next 6 months) 

• Step 2: I need to find a specific place or at least a specific type of place (next year) 

• Step 3: I’m going to need money. How much depends on the type of space I want to move in to.

• Step 4: Move in? Paint a mural on the wall of my kitchen. Build a geodesic chicken coop.

• Ongoing: I need to create margins- financial and otherwise- so I’m not wedged into something unsustainable.

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My reflective script

Thank you everyone for your time and thought on this- it’s a gift. I’m not going to respond to individual comments because I need to limit my computer writing time but please know I read each one and was note jotting/brain-webbing all over the freaking place. 

Specific thoughts

• “think about the people and communities that you want to be a part of first, rather than the place” this captured something for me. I had tied place and people very tightly which puts an unnecessary pressure on both. 

• Renting for a while feels good. Feels like we’re sitting on a housing bubble right now. I don’t need to try out new/different living situations (In between my childhood and now I’ve lived in lots of different arrangements). It might be helpful to reflect on those different arrangements and think about what was good/bad about them.

• Getting specific on what “private” and “communal” means- specifically what spaces. I think I need a self contained living space (sleep, cook, bathe) for when I need space. Shared outdoor/gathering spaces feels nice.

• I got some work to do on being comfortable with what I need. I feel bad taking space I need.

• Art as a way to clarify thoughts, find inspiration: yes! Plz see housing mood board for more deets. I wanna add some written or other non-visual art to this.

• Talking with people: yes yes! Need to add to the action plan.

• Social justice angle: resiliency is a word that came up during my reflection. How can my housing choices build interdependency and communal resilience that withstands looming crisis (climate and otherwise).

Meta thoughts

• Add meta info to very specific goals (how much thought have I put into this goal? How confident do I feel about it? How real is it really?)

• Active listening is so simple but helpful. Having people say my thoughts back to me felt good and clarifying.

• I use a lot of softeners (I think, I feel, maybe) in my comments that comes from a fear about coming off too judgemental or critical. Just know I think everyone’s work is inspiring and well thought out! I think it’s helpful to be direct in writing so I removed most of those softeners .

In a side note, my brother who lives in New Zealand just bought into a communal housing development! It’s a big move for him. Weird how things line up like that.