I feel you with the struggle of balancing personal space vs. building community. I’m not at all sure if this is what you’re looking for, but I’ve been enamored of this community development and it seems like it has a balance of individual ownership with a community orientation (disclaimer I do not live here but I biked through the courtyard and was very charmed) http://www.masonstpdx.com/
I second everyone’s suggestion to try out as many living situations as you can in an exploratory period. In my experience, a living situation is definitely a ‘you don’t know how you feel until you try it’ sort of thing- there are so many intangibles that are impossible to process hypothetically. You can also get nosy and ask everyone you encounter what they do and don’t like about their living situation- it’s such a universal experience and could be an interesting way to start conversations with strangers (disclaimer I have never tried this haha, but it could be fun).
And one more thing, since you know that you will be leaving your this house that has been such a huge part of your life, take the time to record as many memories about it as you can. Just as you mentioned with the time warp you feel when you move through the neighborhood, I find that some memories are really locked into certain physical spaces. You may not have good access to them once you’ve moved on.
- try to pin down what the right balance of other people to space is? how communal vs private would you want things for the various functions of a home -- kitchen, bathroom, living room, yard, garden, etc.
- I was struck by your obvious desire for community balanced against a need for space that's restorative. particularly salient to my own life right now -- I've found my experiences with co-housing to sometimes be so nourishing but at the same time require a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy. It's made me realize that having some kind of sanctuary of space that's for me and me alone (or me and my partner) is really important to me. what's tough to figure out is what the radius of that space needs to include, and where to draw the right boundaries with the community I want to keep close.
- how flexible do you feel with whatever "decisions" come out of this process? If you decide to move into a particular space, are you open to selling it or moving if it ends up not being right? Or are you looking to really land on your dream space in a permanent way?
- out of curiosity (and maybe this is personal philosophy for you), why do decisions about marriage need to be tied in? Is marriage (and the legal & emotional stability it offers) something that needs to come first for you, or could it be a parallel track? (and no need to justify here -- I just wanted to poke at it)
Hi Eddie! Apologies that this comment is a little late-coming! I’m glad to be a fellow idea fermenter, and thanks for sharing your current head-space with all of us. This space of long-term planning or goal-setting can feel overwhelming if it feels messy and complex, and you should feel accomplished for writing through it. I enjoyed reading your narrative, and I did pick out a clear goal that you had stated — in the next three years, I want a place to live that is long term (10-20 years).
Some loosely structured thoughts:
There’s a thread of community that ties into the sense of place that you describe that you’re looking for in your future home. Connecting both the community around you (place-based) to a more far-flung community. It seems like you’ll want “your place” to be close to like-minded folks, whether you know them right now or not. Would it be a helpful shift in thinking to think about the people and communities that you want to be a part of first, rather than the place?
The need to have a “space away from people to refresh myself” really stood out to me as a key element that contrasts with the thread of community — I’m wondering if you know or have explored or have a sense of what your space needs are in this area? Like, is or could this be a room or an out-building or a house or a underground bunker? It seems like knowing that could help you to figure out what kinds of spaces would work for you, and you may already know.
I’m wondering if there are some things that you can ground to as you further explore this goal.
To further extend on this private / community space distinction — I wonder for the other elements of space if you understand what elements are important to be “private”? Does your connection to the land feel like something that is or could be communal?
Are there other constraints that you already know or feel in your heart that are unstated. Like, do you want to be in Portland?
I’m also mindful of what you put as the first step on your plan — to figure out if if/when/how you’re getting married and then to synchronize your housing goals with your partner. I can imagine that it could be challenging to think about this vision of a long-term home with leaving all of those possibilities open. But, this isn’t about figuring this all out right now — it’s ok and desirable to have unknowns built into your goals! There are definitely things that you can do that you can plan and do now that can help you towards your longer-term home. I also loved Della’s idea of trying on some different living situations while you have the relative stability of your current home.
I’m really looking forward to see how things ferment. The fermentation process seems slow sometimes but it can be oh so delicious ✨
What a beautiful piece of writing, I really enjoyed reading this. I appreciate the background story of your childhood home and can relate to the challenges of living somewhere so very familiar (I also took swim lessons at Mt Scott!). Your goal is still being formed, but from what I can tell you are looking for a long term home with your partner that includes ways to be self sufficient, like chickens and gardens, and also that includes close-knit community or sharing resources with community and also space to host loved ones and strangers.
Your fear of figuring out this housing situation consuming all of your art, activism and travel time is so valid. It seems like it could turn into something all consuming, but it also seems like you have a strong desire for that to not happen. In my experience sometimes avoiding something is as simple as being aware of the thing you want to avoid. Maybe writing that down and putting it somewhere to remind yourself to not get carried away and to remember the other important bits of your full life. Life is what happens when we’re busy planning, right? I wonder how you can ensure that you continue with the things that are important to you and weave this housing goal into it without letting it take over. Does this goal have to be met by the spring when your mom sells the house or is there a middle space you can remain (like temporarily renting) while you continue to sort it out and not have that time frame looming over you? (Though I’m not sure if that’s the case.)
It sounds like you have some great connections to people who are involved in alternative housing development and who may want to invest in your idea. That seems like such a leg up. Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to witnessing how your goal develops further.
Your response to this prompt feels especially intimate Eddie and I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and trusting us to help you move through it. I feel like you have a really clear idea of the *feelings* and *experiences* you want to cultivate through this change which is sort of what it’s all about anyway. Building that vision is such an important step, and it feels like now you’re in this space where you need to externalize some of that. Yeah, the world of money and home ownership is going to be something you’ve gotta face at some point (and you’ll find ways to make it work when the time comes), but I feel like for now you’ve just gotta wade through this phase of putting out feelers and exploring what feels right.
Do you know anyone whose living situation you admire or are curious about? Maybe your friends know people who are living in more alternative homes or communities? I liked Jaron’s suggestion of asking “how ambitious are you” and I feel like this could help you suss out how much you’re willing to put into this. Maybe you can start chatting with your family members who want to invest in Portland and see how your visions line up and what kind of project they would be willing to support. But I think the main thing is to just start talking! With your partner, your friends, the people you know who are involved in alternative housing development, with your family.
Also, you could consider just taking some time to try some things on and explore different living situations once you move out of your family home. Look into short term rentals, sublets, live with lots of people, live on your own, live outside of the city, live in a tiny house, just give yourself permission to experiment and see what feels right for you. If you gave yourself 2-3 years to just explore what’s out there, I imagine you’ll learn so much about what works for you and what doesn’t. And you’ll inevitably make connections along the way and widen your circles, which will only increase the likelihood of finding that fit. I also love that part of your vision includes painting a mural in your home, how sweet! I’ve always dreamt of painting a mural too but I had never imagined it being in my kitchen until now. Thanks so much for sharing this all with us!!
Dear Eddie, Great to read your piece! As mentioned on the phone, I felt truly immersed in your story and writing. Thanks also for the recommendation of a soundtrack with which to write my reply :)
Some thoughts that arose when reading your piece:
* Wow. I appreciate so much your perspective on place. Your writing resonates with me and perhaps many other people in the transition of "finding a home." I know this is not part of your stated purpose, but perhaps a small piece could be publishing in some way a piece of art or writing that reflects the process of finding/ creating a home/ark. I wonder if it may help you to prioritize reading pieces or searching for art that specifically speaks to this "journey"/ sense of home, homemaking. Perhaps this could be a small exercise for you: starting to look for threads and through lines through the poetry and art of others. I wonder how much about this you already write: your piece reads more like a journal entry (in a GREAT way) than a to-do list. Have you written much on this topic? If you were to write more on this topics - say you suddenly found yourself sitting at a typewriter with a very very long roll of paper, what more would you say? I am curious to hear more of what you have to say.
*I am curious if you can dive more deeply into the social justice piece. I appreciate your acknowledgment of the purported dichotomy of "single family home" vs. the "collective." Personally, my experiences in co-living spaces are mixed: joyful, but often deteriorating like threads of a too-worn blanket. I really like your ideas of mixing in moments of collective: hosting visitors & travelers, traveling yourself, perhaps offering your space to friend and house sitters.
* The image of having a place for kids to play is a strong image in your piece. Are there more tangible "futures afternoons" that you can envision Perhaps this will help you narrow down what you are looking for in the home hunt.
* I encourage you (if you are not doing so already) to speak about this goal to others. Many possibilities can arise through the creative brainstorming of a large web of minds. I might imagine you setting out a bead of intention on the large web of people with whom you come in contact and seeing how far that bead- splitting into smaller pieces each time it meets a bifurcation point, can go.
*I appreciate that you state the need for time for yourself to recharge. This feels like an incredibly important element of what you are looking for. I encourage you to brainstorm: what would this look like in a living space? Perhaps a space with multiple small buildings connected by gardens and patios? A meditation space? Curious to see if a deeper brainstorm on what the tangibles related to this idea could bring up for you.
* Hearing you reflect on staying at your family home reminds me of my own experience as an adult staying for several months at a time in my family's home in Rhode Island. I encourage you to find some ways to make your current living in the home feel vibrant and fun- perhaps shaking up furniture, themes, bringing in more art made by friends, calling in fun. I am imagining for example, hosting an art show where people bring art to decorate, that can be temporary in the space but remind you of pockets of yourself as an adult in the present vs. the past.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I am excited to be in this class with you! ~ Gina
Love the idea of imagining "future afternoons". that could be an awesome exercise. in general Gina I love the suggestion of Eddie tapping into his creative side to work through some of the open questions
Hi Eddie, your writing is lovely!
I feel you with the struggle of balancing personal space vs. building community. I’m not at all sure if this is what you’re looking for, but I’ve been enamored of this community development and it seems like it has a balance of individual ownership with a community orientation (disclaimer I do not live here but I biked through the courtyard and was very charmed) http://www.masonstpdx.com/
I second everyone’s suggestion to try out as many living situations as you can in an exploratory period. In my experience, a living situation is definitely a ‘you don’t know how you feel until you try it’ sort of thing- there are so many intangibles that are impossible to process hypothetically. You can also get nosy and ask everyone you encounter what they do and don’t like about their living situation- it’s such a universal experience and could be an interesting way to start conversations with strangers (disclaimer I have never tried this haha, but it could be fun).
And one more thing, since you know that you will be leaving your this house that has been such a huge part of your life, take the time to record as many memories about it as you can. Just as you mentioned with the time warp you feel when you move through the neighborhood, I find that some memories are really locked into certain physical spaces. You may not have good access to them once you’ve moved on.
I loved the format of this post! Some thoughts:
- try to pin down what the right balance of other people to space is? how communal vs private would you want things for the various functions of a home -- kitchen, bathroom, living room, yard, garden, etc.
- I was struck by your obvious desire for community balanced against a need for space that's restorative. particularly salient to my own life right now -- I've found my experiences with co-housing to sometimes be so nourishing but at the same time require a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy. It's made me realize that having some kind of sanctuary of space that's for me and me alone (or me and my partner) is really important to me. what's tough to figure out is what the radius of that space needs to include, and where to draw the right boundaries with the community I want to keep close.
- how flexible do you feel with whatever "decisions" come out of this process? If you decide to move into a particular space, are you open to selling it or moving if it ends up not being right? Or are you looking to really land on your dream space in a permanent way?
- out of curiosity (and maybe this is personal philosophy for you), why do decisions about marriage need to be tied in? Is marriage (and the legal & emotional stability it offers) something that needs to come first for you, or could it be a parallel track? (and no need to justify here -- I just wanted to poke at it)
Hi Eddie! Apologies that this comment is a little late-coming! I’m glad to be a fellow idea fermenter, and thanks for sharing your current head-space with all of us. This space of long-term planning or goal-setting can feel overwhelming if it feels messy and complex, and you should feel accomplished for writing through it. I enjoyed reading your narrative, and I did pick out a clear goal that you had stated — in the next three years, I want a place to live that is long term (10-20 years).
Some loosely structured thoughts:
There’s a thread of community that ties into the sense of place that you describe that you’re looking for in your future home. Connecting both the community around you (place-based) to a more far-flung community. It seems like you’ll want “your place” to be close to like-minded folks, whether you know them right now or not. Would it be a helpful shift in thinking to think about the people and communities that you want to be a part of first, rather than the place?
The need to have a “space away from people to refresh myself” really stood out to me as a key element that contrasts with the thread of community — I’m wondering if you know or have explored or have a sense of what your space needs are in this area? Like, is or could this be a room or an out-building or a house or a underground bunker? It seems like knowing that could help you to figure out what kinds of spaces would work for you, and you may already know.
I’m wondering if there are some things that you can ground to as you further explore this goal.
To further extend on this private / community space distinction — I wonder for the other elements of space if you understand what elements are important to be “private”? Does your connection to the land feel like something that is or could be communal?
Are there other constraints that you already know or feel in your heart that are unstated. Like, do you want to be in Portland?
I’m also mindful of what you put as the first step on your plan — to figure out if if/when/how you’re getting married and then to synchronize your housing goals with your partner. I can imagine that it could be challenging to think about this vision of a long-term home with leaving all of those possibilities open. But, this isn’t about figuring this all out right now — it’s ok and desirable to have unknowns built into your goals! There are definitely things that you can do that you can plan and do now that can help you towards your longer-term home. I also loved Della’s idea of trying on some different living situations while you have the relative stability of your current home.
I’m really looking forward to see how things ferment. The fermentation process seems slow sometimes but it can be oh so delicious ✨
Hi Eddie!
What a beautiful piece of writing, I really enjoyed reading this. I appreciate the background story of your childhood home and can relate to the challenges of living somewhere so very familiar (I also took swim lessons at Mt Scott!). Your goal is still being formed, but from what I can tell you are looking for a long term home with your partner that includes ways to be self sufficient, like chickens and gardens, and also that includes close-knit community or sharing resources with community and also space to host loved ones and strangers.
Your fear of figuring out this housing situation consuming all of your art, activism and travel time is so valid. It seems like it could turn into something all consuming, but it also seems like you have a strong desire for that to not happen. In my experience sometimes avoiding something is as simple as being aware of the thing you want to avoid. Maybe writing that down and putting it somewhere to remind yourself to not get carried away and to remember the other important bits of your full life. Life is what happens when we’re busy planning, right? I wonder how you can ensure that you continue with the things that are important to you and weave this housing goal into it without letting it take over. Does this goal have to be met by the spring when your mom sells the house or is there a middle space you can remain (like temporarily renting) while you continue to sort it out and not have that time frame looming over you? (Though I’m not sure if that’s the case.)
It sounds like you have some great connections to people who are involved in alternative housing development and who may want to invest in your idea. That seems like such a leg up. Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to witnessing how your goal develops further.
Your response to this prompt feels especially intimate Eddie and I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and trusting us to help you move through it. I feel like you have a really clear idea of the *feelings* and *experiences* you want to cultivate through this change which is sort of what it’s all about anyway. Building that vision is such an important step, and it feels like now you’re in this space where you need to externalize some of that. Yeah, the world of money and home ownership is going to be something you’ve gotta face at some point (and you’ll find ways to make it work when the time comes), but I feel like for now you’ve just gotta wade through this phase of putting out feelers and exploring what feels right.
Do you know anyone whose living situation you admire or are curious about? Maybe your friends know people who are living in more alternative homes or communities? I liked Jaron’s suggestion of asking “how ambitious are you” and I feel like this could help you suss out how much you’re willing to put into this. Maybe you can start chatting with your family members who want to invest in Portland and see how your visions line up and what kind of project they would be willing to support. But I think the main thing is to just start talking! With your partner, your friends, the people you know who are involved in alternative housing development, with your family.
Also, you could consider just taking some time to try some things on and explore different living situations once you move out of your family home. Look into short term rentals, sublets, live with lots of people, live on your own, live outside of the city, live in a tiny house, just give yourself permission to experiment and see what feels right for you. If you gave yourself 2-3 years to just explore what’s out there, I imagine you’ll learn so much about what works for you and what doesn’t. And you’ll inevitably make connections along the way and widen your circles, which will only increase the likelihood of finding that fit. I also love that part of your vision includes painting a mural in your home, how sweet! I’ve always dreamt of painting a mural too but I had never imagined it being in my kitchen until now. Thanks so much for sharing this all with us!!
Dear Eddie, Great to read your piece! As mentioned on the phone, I felt truly immersed in your story and writing. Thanks also for the recommendation of a soundtrack with which to write my reply :)
Some thoughts that arose when reading your piece:
* Wow. I appreciate so much your perspective on place. Your writing resonates with me and perhaps many other people in the transition of "finding a home." I know this is not part of your stated purpose, but perhaps a small piece could be publishing in some way a piece of art or writing that reflects the process of finding/ creating a home/ark. I wonder if it may help you to prioritize reading pieces or searching for art that specifically speaks to this "journey"/ sense of home, homemaking. Perhaps this could be a small exercise for you: starting to look for threads and through lines through the poetry and art of others. I wonder how much about this you already write: your piece reads more like a journal entry (in a GREAT way) than a to-do list. Have you written much on this topic? If you were to write more on this topics - say you suddenly found yourself sitting at a typewriter with a very very long roll of paper, what more would you say? I am curious to hear more of what you have to say.
*I am curious if you can dive more deeply into the social justice piece. I appreciate your acknowledgment of the purported dichotomy of "single family home" vs. the "collective." Personally, my experiences in co-living spaces are mixed: joyful, but often deteriorating like threads of a too-worn blanket. I really like your ideas of mixing in moments of collective: hosting visitors & travelers, traveling yourself, perhaps offering your space to friend and house sitters.
* The image of having a place for kids to play is a strong image in your piece. Are there more tangible "futures afternoons" that you can envision Perhaps this will help you narrow down what you are looking for in the home hunt.
* I encourage you (if you are not doing so already) to speak about this goal to others. Many possibilities can arise through the creative brainstorming of a large web of minds. I might imagine you setting out a bead of intention on the large web of people with whom you come in contact and seeing how far that bead- splitting into smaller pieces each time it meets a bifurcation point, can go.
*I appreciate that you state the need for time for yourself to recharge. This feels like an incredibly important element of what you are looking for. I encourage you to brainstorm: what would this look like in a living space? Perhaps a space with multiple small buildings connected by gardens and patios? A meditation space? Curious to see if a deeper brainstorm on what the tangibles related to this idea could bring up for you.
* Hearing you reflect on staying at your family home reminds me of my own experience as an adult staying for several months at a time in my family's home in Rhode Island. I encourage you to find some ways to make your current living in the home feel vibrant and fun- perhaps shaking up furniture, themes, bringing in more art made by friends, calling in fun. I am imagining for example, hosting an art show where people bring art to decorate, that can be temporary in the space but remind you of pockets of yourself as an adult in the present vs. the past.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I am excited to be in this class with you! ~ Gina
Love the idea of imagining "future afternoons". that could be an awesome exercise. in general Gina I love the suggestion of Eddie tapping into his creative side to work through some of the open questions